A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
