Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
