Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
