I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
