I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
