Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
