you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you win again, gameday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
