I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
