whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
