Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
