I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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