i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
