I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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