Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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