if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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