Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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