You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize