He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
