he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
