omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
