i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
