The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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