You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
