You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
