He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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