It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I forget how to act sober
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