good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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