you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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