Non-Jews are for practice
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
