she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was like eating out sand paper
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And then he peed in my hair
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
