Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
