We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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