WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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