just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
