A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
