He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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