just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
