My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
