I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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