You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
