I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
