it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
