I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Randomize
