I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
