I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
