I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
