The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
