I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
