Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
third nipple confirmed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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