I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
