Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
