i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
