my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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