Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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