this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
