I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
