We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
