and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
